I also struggle with “triangulation” - when I have problem with person A (let’s call them Alice), I go to person B (obviously named Bob) and vent about it with Bob so I don’t blow up on Alice.

Sometimes a therapist is a better person to talk to than Bob, but they’re not usually there for you when you need them (usually the venting is more immediate).

The triangulation with Bob is probably most unhealthy when it becomes a habituated way to enable dysfunction in your relationship with Alice, because the problem never gets addressed with Alice because you can work out all your frustration over the problem with Bob.

Sometimes it’s best to just calm down first (without discharging all motivation or energy to deal with the problem with Alice), and then think through the right way to approach Alice and talk through the problem. This is where a therapist can be helpful: strategizing how to address the relationship problems. However, as you might guess this also can easily turn into emotional triangulation while appearing to be Entirely Healthy™️.

Anyway, I’m sorry - I hope you are able to take care of yourself and feel better. Sometimes when I’m sad and overwhelmed it’s because of something else: I’m tired, hungry, over-worked, etc. and addressing those other things then make it easier for me to think more clearly and regulate my emotions better. I know that’s easier said than done, but identifying what self-care you need and organizing around that can really help.