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Thank you for vouching for her CC 😊

Love the choker and your eyeliner 😍 have a lovely weekend!!

I appreciate you providing the content warning. It’s alright to have those understandable fears. I agreed for a very long time, and I used to present androgynous and not correct people who misgendered me because I thought I would only ever be happy with myself and be accepted by others if I appeared cis in every conceivable way.

The thing is, thinking that way actually impedes your ability to pass. Passing is not a product of any individual thing but many things, and how people perceive and respond to you depends on lots of factors many of them do not do with physiological gender signifiers. I spent years denying myself everything I ever wanted. I wore loose baggy clothes, I didn’t try with my skincare or haircare, I would obsess about the way people perceived me and tear myself apart in the mirror over every little detail. I was making myself miserable, and holding myself back and being so obviously insecure about these things actually made me less likely to pass. Fully embracing my style and showcasing my curves and my skin has made a massive difference in the likelihood of me passing. I rarely do not pass anymore.

Hiding a part of yourself is never going to make you happy. If you want to be happy someday, and you should you deserve to live a happy life, then you have to stop setting limits past which you’re allowed to be happy. To be clear, I understand wanting to wait till you’ve been on hormones. I really do, I did wait myself. I also then waited 7 years before i allowed myself to wear dresses in public. And embrace my own femininity I’m visible ways, wore clothes that accentuated my body instead of hiding it. All things I’d wanted to do for years but I didn’t, because I didn’t think I would pass and therefore wouldn’t allow myself.

It’s okay if you can’t today, or if you still want to wait. This was just my experience and I thought it worthwhile to share. Far fewer people are scrutinizing us that closely than it feels like. You’re beautiful and it’s important that you believe that too. I know it sounds stupid or corny or whatever. But next time you look at yourself in the mirror and that voice pops up pointing out all those little dysphoria inducing details, try and notice a few things you like about how you look. Write them down. Try and look for them again when you’re feeling dysphoric. Good body image is a process.

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling with gatekeeping and transphobia from your friend and your parents. 😔 I’m glad that you recognize that your friend is being bigoted towards you. Dysphoria is not what makes someone transgender! Being transgender is “not identifying with (or not entirely identifying with) your assigned gender” and can mean literally anything beyond that. She has absolutely no right to say that to you. You deserve to be supported, not put down by someone who’s supposed to be there for you!

Whether someone else genders you correctly doesn’t make you a woman, you are one no matter how other people refer to you. I know you said that you struggle to stand up for yourself, but you don’t have to let someone try and take that from you. You deserve to be surrounded by people who love and support you! You deserve kindness, compassion, and respect. I know that it might not be possible for you to demand those things for yourself, but make sure you remember that internally. If someone isn’t respecting you, you do not have to keep talking with them or engaging with them. It’s possible to be non-confrontational while making clear that you won’t engage with someone who doesn’t treat you with respect!

I waited years to come out to certain people and much longer to be completely out publicly full time. You need some friends and supporters on your side. Many transfem people do not pass. If you’re active in trans groups you’ll definitely notice transfem people who don’t pass in them. You don’t owe it to anyone to look a certain way before you can be yourself. Your body belongs only to you, and the standards of society shouldn’t hold you back from being yourself. There’s lots of online trans groups, discords, matrix groups and what not where you can try coming out and socializing with other trans people. May be a good way to build up some courage to handle harder in person coming-outs.

HRT is also not a requirement to be transgender and being on hormones does not make you any more or less trans than anyone else. You’re already trans today, and if you come out now, you being or not being on hormones won’t affect the response you should receive from friends and loved ones.

Hope my rambles helped, and welcome to transfem!

So happy for you!! It’s amazing that your daughter is so enthusiastically supportive of your journey in self discovery :) that support is invaluable. It sounds like you have some great ideas on ways you can explore your gender and examine your gender feelings in an environment that feels safe with support from your family.

Processing your gender as you explore it is hard, and I can understand how it can be hard for spouses as well. However, your wife should be patient and understanding with you, and when you tell her that this is a serious thing for you and you need her genuine support through this. It’s not fair to you to get the “Yeah right” treatment about this. It will take time for her to process, that’s fair. But she shouldn’t diminish your feelings through this. I hope she lends you full support in whatever you choose to do, even in the event of going to a con in full Gothic Lolita 😊 which btw sounds absolutely amazing haha. My exploration of gender was very quiet and at home and normative. I only started really expressing myself through fashion and presentation a lot this year.

Creepy. Don’t say that to strangers.

There are some places along the nose you can apply concealer to help give it a thinner shape! Tons of guides online on where to apply it. Loads of them are by and for transfems too :)

Uhhh, not sure what you’re talking about with contouring makeup. It is literally ubiquitous in modern makeup? And your face isn’t 2 dimensional… it lightens and darkens parts of your skin to emphasize and diminish certain facial features.

For many trans women emphasizing and diminishing certain facial features is hugely confidence boosting.

Also, please don’t refer to plastic surgery as “doing a Michael Jackson”. Please respect people’s right to decide what they want to do with their bodies. Read through the sidebar if you haven’t already, this is a safe space for transfeminine people. Many of us opt for facial surgeries to undo effects of testosterone during puberty.

Yeah, you’re in a community for women and feminine people.

Yeah, it’s gonna be that way for a while. My sleep was a mess for the first couple weeks. You will need help during all of this, and I’m glad that you have your mom there to help out. Try and walk for like 10 minutes a day at first, even just around your home. Get your mom to help if you need her. Circulation issues prolong healing and also make sleeping harder. Make sure that your recovery area and your dilating area are calming environments, keep the area tidy as best you can and leave the windows and blinds open to keep light and air coming in. You also need to seperate your day into light time hours and dark time hours, it will help your circadian rhythm keep up with the changes in time and promote better sleep. Practice some destressing/anti anxiety techniques like meditation. Remember to look down from your phone and look at something distant for a couple minutes every so often. Eye fatigue becomes really frustrating when you’re already feeling meh in other ways.

Also, idk I’d you’ve stopped taking any opioid painkilles yet but be prepared for your stomach to be upset when you do. Wean off as best you can, increasing time between doses, staying very hydrated. Important to try and mitigate any stomach problems.

One thing that’s helpful to bear in mind is that it’s actually pretty hard to permanently lose depth after initial healing phase has passed. Like once the tissue has healed depth loss is usually not permanent. I’ve had reduced depth at points where I’ve messed up and not dilated for several days even. I made sure to dilate for longer than normal and more frequently and I’ve regained that lost depth. Do your best but it is inevitable that you’ll miss a dilation here or there over time and it’s okay!

My dilating schedule for the first 3 months was set by alarms and timers. For the first month, I dilated: when I woke up, before I ate lunch, mid afternoon, and in the evening. After the first month it went to: when I woke up, after lunch, and before bed. After 3 months, though, I stopped using alarms and timers as I went back to work, and my schedule was far less consistent. I just dilated once in the morning, however long before my shift started, and once in the evening/night after my shift ended.

For the first month, I dilated 4 times a day. The whole process takes about at least an hour but more often a bit longer. Each step takes time especially with moving around taking longer than normal. Youve got cleaning your dilators, prepping your bed/couch where you will be dilating, actually dilating, cleaning up after, rinsing, douching, then cleaning your dilators again after. All together, dilating was easily 6 hours a day, often 8. On top of that my energy was pretty low, so my daytime hours were around 12 hours early on. You also won’t be able to stand for long periods of time early on, and sitting will also be a pretty infrequent and often uncomfortable thing. I could ideally sit for around an hour a day for the first 2 months. Sometimes a bit longer if I was feeling good, sometimes less. So you spend a lot of time laying down, often the same place you actually do your dilation.

All those factors together and yeah no dilating was literally my life. It wasn’t until 6 months after that I was down to once a day where it actually became manageable. After a month I was down to 3, which was a bit easier, and after 3 months I went down to 2 times a day. I just got past a year last month, and am in the process of winding down to once a week. But yeah that first 6 months dilating definitely felt like my whole life.

It’s good that you’re normally very physically active! Definitely helps. Be patient with yourself too though. Your body does need lots of rest fo heal properly. Extra strain can actually have very real consequences. So take things very slow early on.

Welcome to your daily life for the next year, by which I mean dilating 🙃 It does definitely hurt at first, but it will get easier over time. I also remember getting the packing taken out. Pretty wild moment lol. The first month/two months are the hardest. Keep your chin up, keep focused on the day to day, and make sure to drink lots of water and eat well. Nutrition and hydration are very important in the earliest stages of recovery. Stick to the routine your surgeon advises you to. And as time goes on you’ll want to keep regularly mobile. By week 3 I started going on daily walks with my partner. Shorter ones at first, longer ones as time went on. Important to keep circulation up. Happy to hear that you’re feeling better ❤️

You are 100% welcome to participate here 😊

Congratulations!! 😄 I had the phantom limb sensation on and off for a while, but for me it went away eventually. Best of luck on your recovery, take things one day at a time 💖

I love the bring 2 suits idea. Never thought of that but that sounds great so you don’t feel stuck with what you’re wearing! I think probably will get a cover-up of some kind too :)

And yeaaaaa swimming cap is definitely a no for me 😂 I put way too much time into my hair to just cover it anyway lol. I’m so bad at putting my hair up so yeah I’ll have to peak around for some tutorials, thanks for the recommendation 😊

Love that advice! The first few times I went bra shopping, I had a friend tag along with me, and honestly, I still do sometimes. I can see how with swimsuits, sizing and aesthetics and styles could put a lot of critical emphasis on your body. I think bringing one of my friends along with me would help a lot. :)

And I can totally see what you mean. It’s kinda nerve wracking considering wearing something where so much skin is visible for the first time. I’m trying to keep the confidence I feel in my everyday clothes going haha but that little voice in my head is worrying about my cellulite and my tummy 🙃 I was thinking high waisted would look very cute on me (I look amazing in high waisted shorts and skirts) and I was determined to wear a 2 piece so haha. Might consider adding a sheer beach cover-up? I’ve seen some pretty cute ones.

Also, how do you manage your hair at the beach? I have very long hair and have been trying to think how best to manage it when swimming.

Absolutely love your hair 💕 you’re so pretty!! I hope you have a lovely day 😊

Love your hair!! And your glasses 😊💗 they’re very cute!