“Fuck hitler’s mom”
Yeah that sounds like the setup to a bootstrap paradox in which you were always hitler’s dad.
If that’s the case, trying to kill Hitler would make Hitler what he always has been.
I believe theres a twilight zone episode where that happens.
Which episode?
The one where they go back in time and fuck hitler’s mom.
Which one?
He only had one mom!
Get a vasectomy, then start the relationship.
Ah, yes, the “release a bunch of infertile male mosquitoes so the females won’t have any babies” approach to Hitler-offing.
Eva: Adolf, why are you destroying everything? Adolf: My father is a time traveler from the future and he left me. So I make sure he will not exist. Eva: From the future? So he could also be our son? laughs Adolf: takes the gun
That actually went full circle, 12 Monkeys style.
Literally the start of Command and Conquer Red Alert lol
In an alternate timeline:
“Yea who’s the fuck is Hitler? Himmler is the fuhrer of our fatherland, the Great German Reich, that spans the entire world!”
What if Hitler was the best case scenario result of time traveler interference? He bungled a lot of decisions someone like Himmler probably wouldn’t have. What if WWII is ultimately unavoidable, and every other timeline was way worse?
Germany was only 75 years old in 1941; for all we know it’d be some totally new country that ended up conquering everything. “Hail to Field Marshal Bing Bong Potatoman, ruler of our great glorious Zambonian Empire”
I welcome our new ice resurfacing overlords
Would there even be an Oppenheimer movie in the new timeline?
And without Oppenheimer we’d never have Barbie!
:(
But we’ll always have Margot in our hearts!
:)
Wait wait, I should have said:
We’ll always have Margot in our hearts, even if Hitler was never alive!
I feel pretty Aladeen about this.
Such is the nature of time travel that you go back in time to seduce and fuck Hitler’s mom and guess what?
Your son is Adolf Hitler.
No one ever considers that this is the best timeline possible and we got Hitler because someone already time shivved the SUPER NAZIS and SUPER HITLER
Mecha-Hitler wasn’t just some artist’s drawing for Wolfenstein, it’s a remnant of another timeline where there’s fuckin robot Nazis all over
The premise of the entire Command and Conquer universe is that Einstein deleted Hitler and it went horribly wrong.
That’s just the Red Alert series, but ok.
Eh, yes and no. Red Alert 1 is part of both the Red Alert and Tiberium series. One ending results in RA2 and the other in Tiberian Dawn (C&C '95) but there’s no consensus on which ending leads to which game. I think that the Allied ending leads to TD and the Soviet ending leads to RA2, but there are arguments the other way, too.
No need to be pedantic.
Adopt baby Hitler and raise him in a way that would not give rise to the kinds of feelings and ideologies that could lead him down the path of ethno-nationalsim.
That’s when we figure out that this is the path that lead him to flip flop completely hating everything you taught. You went back to stop Hitler only to be the thing that caused his reign of terror. Life would have that kind of irony.
shoots
Ah u meant as in sex…
Pulls up corpse
It’s never “give Hitler a good life where he is never taught or led to be a prejudice psychopathic murderer.”
What about get Hitler art lessons at a young age or don’t let him try art at all
Imo, his art wasn’t bad. But yeah. I think maybe just don’t let him join the army
I mean I get the whole post isn’t super serious but for real, I doubt that getting rid of Hitler-Hitler would have stopped the rise of fascism and nazis. There would have just been another leader who might have caused even greater damage.
Or fascism may become the new trend in democracy because it didn’t get associated with genocide…
you imply this isn’t what’s currently happening anyways
Heads up, Hitler’s mom died of breast cancer when he was young. If you’re going to seduce her, you should be emotionally prepared for the consequences.
So you’re saying Hitler could have been one of the Guardians of the Galaxy?
Because it is a thought experiment about punishing people for pre-crime, not people actually planning what to do with a time machine.
No, I’d 100% kill Hitler if I ever got a time machine. It would be my first stop on my way to see the dinosaurs.
The cool thing about a time machine is you’d be able to kill Hitler several times, in several ways, in several different back drops. 😃
Kill Hitler, every single day that he was alive, starting with the last day and working your way back to his birth.
Hey if you ever get access to a time machine and i somehow piss you off in the future, could you do me a favor and hop back to this day and warn me?
That’s a little sociopathic
One might argue that the Holocaust was also a bit sociopathic.
More than a bit. But I don’t fantasize about mutilating and murdering a serial killer every day. Dexter wasn’t saying that its normal
Wouldn’t that just make it so you are actually Hitler’s dad?
And then I’d have to time travel to fuck Hitler’s dad’s mom. I didn’t make the rules, I just enjoy them.
Plot point: hero person goes back in time to kill Hitler, but finds they have to fight off a bunch of other time travelers from different points in the future bc everyone wants the kill for themselves. Hitler still gets away.
yeah that takes the cake haha
As a Nepali expat… Why Nepal? Did Indiana Jones not do enough demonization? #KeepHitlerProblemWhite
I think probably because it would take him a little while to get back probably, if he ever did. But wouldn’t kill him. It’s not like Hitler’s grandpa really did anything wrong, that I know of at least
How would you know that this situation including time traveler dad’s disappearance doesn’t ultimately create him?
In general, all the “use time machine to kill Hitler” ideas (in the rare cases they are not presented as just a joke) assume that it was Hitler the person and not the socioeconomic and historical conditions that resulted in the catastrophe. There were enough little Hitlers to fill that role. If you want to prevent anything beyond small details, you have your hands full of work as a time traveler.
Use time travel to 1914 and save archduke Franz Ferdinand, avoid the great war and the economic sanctions imposed into Germany after the war
Go back in time and try to flag down Archduke Ferdinand’s motor carriage only for the driver to get freaked out and go down the alternate route right to where Gavrilo was trying to get to the original route but was running late because another time traveler delayed him…
Gotta love the heteronormativity on this post. Why fuck the mother? Why not go back in time and fuck Hitler and make him fall in love with me? All hail homo-hitler!
If you think about it, there are on average 30 to 80 million sperm in a typical ejaculation. So I’d find Hitler’s dad on the street, bump into him and jiggle his nuts a bit. Surely that’d be enough to change history.
So naive… your bump was precisely necessary for the single unlikely Adolph sperm to make its way to the front of the line. You were always the nut-bumper that caused Hitler.
Ye old scrotal quantum shake
Twist his dick!!!
