You eventually get used to it

One time I tried for 5 minutes to get my contact lens out, getting desperate enough to scratch from the white to the iris with my fingernail. I thought I was scratching the contact lens until I felt something weird in the side of my eye.

The fucking thing slid behind my eye at some point.

So I scratched my literal fucking eyeball with very little pain.

My vision was blurry, but I could see only one contact lens was removed in the container. I concluded that it must still be in there and that the bad vision was just my mind playing tricks on me.

Point is, you can get pretty comfortable touching your eyeball.

Maybe half ass it a little bit

If they’re not compensating you for giving 150% of your energy, then don’t give them 150% of your energy.

Like, tell them you need to catch a breath, take a “smoke break” (even if you don’t smoke, mime vape a lil ink pen in the smoking section). Rehydrate more, piss more. Say you’re dizzy. Come up with something.

I assume the guy with the solution is doing that Turkish ice cream vendor thing where he keeps sleight-of-handing it away from the rest of the government

fuck it

just going to print out the man pages for wget and study it like a religious text

If this were true I would already have had like 19 heart attacks by now

get a cheap decoy phone and exclusively use it for watching mukbang videos and messaging “your ex” (you) to take you back

Yep. They’ve been around for years.

Normally you would just give them your card info like any other online pay site like PayPal etc. but I don’t know why they suddenly decided to give everyone at the company a deluxe lobotomy

I saw this shit yesterday when I was trying to buy a weed cart online (still not sure if it’s legal or not. I still hear stories of those moron cops arresting people for “drug possession” i.e. didn’t pay a bribe)

Noped out and just gave the clearnet grey market drug website virtual card info that’s gonna expire in a few hours anyway

those goddamn fucking fake UPS emails

I have never used UPS in my fucking life

every day another unread 19 in the spam folder

like, I didn’t click the shady link the first 4812 times

Why would I click it on the 4813rd email?

he brainwashed so many people

glad he’s neck deep in shit at the moment

but every time I see a headline with his name that doesn’t include some variation of “passes away at age”, my blood pressure rises a little bit.

When I see �, I just assume the user or another dev is using a non-standard keyboard, or my fonts aren’t up to date

When I see this shit, I lose all blood flow to the brain and then just collapse

whatd he do

I’m too high to Google it and I’m hearing mums voice and zipping in and out of sleep

Im a sleeby

reminder to self kinda

you are a wise man

I am glad our paths crossed in this reality

when you make cereal, do you put the flakes in first or the water

all while they clockwork orange your eyes and show you nothing but ads

especially in a police interrogation room

I see that fifth puppy u aint slick

a single university textbook

Yeah, I’m not in the US. The first time I heard about them was when they shit the bed.

Same for me with Solar Winds, Equifax, SVB and Ashley Madison.

Weird to think that some kind of major catastrophe in the future could again be caused by some company that exists right now, but am unaware of.

ah the Cosby technique