How do you do, fellow geriatrics?

Looks up

Everything!

Puts on foil hat

I guess I’m the problem for locking in a good interest rate when they were low and not wanting to fuck myself over by moving.

Funny, I locked in a bad interest rate when they were high. I’d refinance, but I can only find “worse interest rates that are higher.”

You don’t have children, do you?

I’m not sure that person has ever seen a child

Mmmm… Garden droppings

I’m sad you didn’t use my household’s name for the Papa: Poopy John’s

So you’re saying Tony Lazuto uses Windows??? That bastard!

Oh God, don’t watch the etc porn! You’ll never be able to unsee it…

Is this how one becomes nonbinary?

Yeah, that’s more appropriate for a WHEN clause or possibly even a WHOM

Alternative headline: “study finds that people don’t like subscriptions that tell them to eat shit”

Oh yeah! I should do more drugs…

Should’ve invested in some teeth…

The ye el las thems

When my dad died suddenly in 2015 and I cleared out his office at his job, I spun down his Win95 machine that he’d been using for essential coding and testing. My father was that programmer—the one who directly spoke to a limited number of clients and stakeholders because he had a tendency to ask people if they were stupid.

Marty! It’s your children! The little bastards won’t stop playing Ska-booby toilets!

Consider that the energy output of a 12-gauge shotgun is approximately 4500 Newton-meters and, from personal experience, can rotate a first-gen iPad at an extrapolated 240 rpm (extrapolated as this proved difficult to sustain). That gives us an equivalent of 113 kW! A modern ipad would only need about 13 kW to charge in one second.

So, one shotgun shell could easily charge yours and 7 of your friends ipads instantaneously, although the results are difficult to appreciate.

Uh huh, uh huh. And how many dicks do I get have to suck per vote? Can you provide a link and very detailed instructions on the process? You know, so I can make sure I never go there before my wife comes home from work.

I can identify with that entire statement except for the last sentence. Hell, I’ll accept “cuz it’s Tuesday” as a valid reason for piracy.

My generation paid a lot for the type of shit that many of y’all take for granted and I think that’s fucking fantastic. In fact, let’s face it: my generation paid more than enough. Y’all should be stealing everything isn’t already given for free by the corporations. If the BaCk iN my DaY squawkers wanna keep paying the poor innocent execs, then fine.

For everyone else, if it ain’t nailed down or owned, take it. And if someone hoarded more than they could use in 10 lifetimes, eat them and then take everything. We should never forget what’s been taken from us and it’s pretty much your duty now to take it all back.

This isn’t thievery, this is the fucking bill coming due.

That’s the moment where the fighters and the crowd attack and eat the announcer