I was in my 50s before I started understanding this stuff. Before that, I was married to a very gregarious man who was my social buffer. I could hide behind his small talk. But then he passed away and I was left twisting in the wind until I started to learn how to make small talk. Often I just ask myself what my husband would have said.
Speaking as a wife and mother, it’s likely the only time in her adult life that somebody focused on her wants and needs instead of expecting her to cater to theirs.