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YouTube without an adblocker is such a mess. I wish alternatives like https://odysee.com had more of the content I watch and less Nazi bullshit though. YouTube really needs some strong competition since they have an effective monopoly on long-form videos on the internet. :(
If you don’t mind me asking, what is your age? It may play a factor in your thinking.
Not having a fear of death is not the same thing as trying to avoid death when faced with “personal annihilation”. For example, I try to take care of myself, exercise, eat well, and not put myself in situations that would kill me (e.g., drive 150 mph with no seat belt while drunk) because I don’t want to die earlier than I need to. I am not trying to die faster.
The existential crisis that is triggered when we contemplate our own deaths just began to fade away as I got older. The same thing that happens to all of us – that inability to comprehend\accept the void of nonexistence. Existential anxiety.
If you are under 25, it is very common to have Existential anxiety. Some people need therapy to stop having that anxiety, and that is fine. We’re all on this rock together, and we all progress and deal with things at different rates than others. Life is too short for us to worry about what we know will happen though, so it is better to focus on the now rather than the reaper later on.