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Key point, the pain goes down over time. I think it feels good now, like scratching a deep itch, but I recall holding back yelps when I first tried.

Yeah, I felt this way when I was 32. Felt like the realization that I was trans just slapped me in the face and I knew I’d regret not doing it but also so very terrified. I kept looking at r/transtimelines and seeing the dead looks in most of the before pictures and seeing how they lit up after. I also read some advice somewhere that every step along the way is reversible, up to a point. You can go see a therapist that deals with gender questions. You can go see an endocrinologist. You can walk out of there with a prescription, but you don’t have to fill it. You can get it filled, but you don’t have to take it. You can take it but you don’t have to keep taking it. You won’t notice anything for a month or so, so you can feel it out and see what you think.

What really helped me was going to the nearest accepting city (Asheville, NC) and just living the entire visit as my chosen gender. We stayed on a skoolie with a hot tub outside and it was a wonderful trip. I also got all dressed up and spent the day in my hammock on mushrooms and did a lot of soul searching. Everytime I asked myself if I was happy with what I was doing, I felt like I was hugging myself back with gratitude for finally letting Eliza have a chance. That feeling has stuck with me ever since.

And yeah, I started at 33, you’re not running out of time. I do wish I realized earlier, but you only get one shot at this life thing and you might as well start living for yourself today.

Thank you for sharing your story, Ada, I’m so happy for you! Remember it’s a marathon for sure and trust the process

What a sweet story! Congratulations, I’m so happy for you!

Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky could be up your alley. One of the best books I’ve read in recent memory

Howdy, pardner!

The tip is to get yourself really pissed off or in a rush about something and then you can jah yourself out of anger without thinking about it. I can barely feel it when I do it like that, but if I hesitate and do a light jab, it goes halfway and my leg is sore for a week.

But this video says to just push… Like, rest the needle on your skin and start pushing it in? Is that what you do? Makes me want to throw up thinking about it, but maybe I’ll try it.

Huh, so I guess I’ve been doing it wrong for a year or so? My numbers are always fine, but I go on the top of the thigh instead of the side and I basically ram the needle as hard as I can because otherwise I’ll whimp out and only get it halfway in there. And I’m using 1.5" needles, which look bananas scary.

r/transtimelines was such a great resource, I miss it dearly over here. Thank you for sharing your journey!

Yep

I completely understand and I’m not sure of your particular situation, but you might find your current roadblocks removed at some point from a move or other life event. Once you get a straight bit of pavement just shove that gas pedal through the floor!

Better late than never, and it’s not even that late. Good old r/translater had people posting that started in their 50s and looked amazing

Also, it’s never too late. I started at 33

Not really, it’s more of a hobby. I’m just a boring old engineer

Congratulations! It’s a big first step. I was sitting in my patches for a week or two before I started, I was terrified. 4/20 rolled around and I figured what better HRT anniversary could there be, said fuck it, and haven’t looked back.

Getting to wake up and pick earrings and a dress is really nice. My first decade and a half or so of gender euphoria was mistook for “that weird kink I can’t seem to shake,” a.k.a. crossdressing. I think I built a wardrobe of embarrassing crappy Amazon stuff that didn’t fit 3 or 4 times and threw it all out when summer came around and I was all “I can just be a normal guy”. Lol. Can’t count the number of therapist I asked to help me stop but it always came back. The “kink” was actually gender euphoria in disguise. It was one of those slap your forehead “doh” moments when I was sitting around in a dress and just feeling right. Looked at my partner and said “I think I might be trans…” to which they replied “fucking finally!”

I’d agree with MxRemy, it’s been a while since laser actually hurt but I do remember it being quite painful in the beginning. Electrolysis is much more drawn out and you have to think about this needle popping in and out of all of your pores and electrocuting you and it still hurts like crazy. It’s supposedly permanent but it sure doesn’t seem like it from where I’m sitting.

Oh, and also! If you hate seeing hair on your face, laser is the winner because you need to shave where electrolysis requires 3-4 days of growth.

Well, that would have been good to know like 4 years ago, where were you then?!?

Thank you so much! It’s actually a really short dress from Banana Republic, but of course like 1/4 price from ThredUp