I fell for someone who lives in a different country. We met while he was passing through mine, and then he later changed some of his travel plans to come back and see me again.
We saw each other every single day for over a month, he met most of my friends, we went on trips together and overall he was very loving and did all kinds of things that made me feel like we had something that could last beyond a fling. He told me he would be back again.
His feelings changed not long after he went back home, and he only admitted it to me once I confronted him after noticing him become more and more distant over 2 months. He said he found it hard to stay emotionally invested in someone so far away.
I get that long distance is hard and that people’s feelings change. I just didn’t think he’d lose feelings for me so easily. It hurts more than ending a relationship that has slowly burned out over time, because I just can’t make sense of how quickly this happened. And I think a large part of why I got so attached is because I very rarely meet guys I’m genuinely interested in, let alone ones that treat me well.
Have any of you gone through something similar? If so, how did you cope with it? Was there anything that made it easier to accept, or do I just need to let time do its thing? I have a bunch of important things to finish this week and have already lost so much time crying lol.
You probably dodged a bullet there. This sounds a lot like someone who is already in a relationship or at the very least has a similarly strong reason to move on. Did they invite you over or was it always about them coming over?
Only time really works for me. This will be extra tough on you because the first month of a relationship is peak honeymoon phase. We rarely see any negatives. The other person is essentially perfect in our eyes during that period. And that’s the memory and expectations you’re left with. In truth though, you have at best only met the tip of the iceberg. You’re not craving a person but rather the ideal your mind has built for them.
I’m pretty confident it wasn’t due to a secret relationship. He’s a digital nomad so he’s never in one place for very long, which he’d stated early on as to why he doesn’t expect to have a long term relationship with anyone.
So in fairness to him, he did try to manage my expectations. I knew it was a “situationship” and even told myself to not get too invested, just enjoy the moment with him etc and be ready to move on once he left.
I lost sight of that the longer we spent together, and despite what he said at the beginning, I naively thought that things were naturally developing into something more serious and that he’d be willing to do something long distance with me.
But in fairness to me also, he did say things like how he didn’t expect that we’d become so close, that I was the first person to make him reconsider moving back to his home country, and he did all kinds of things that imo, most people wouldn’t do for someone who’s just a casual fling. It’s just hard for me to understand that sort of inconsistency, but I guess all I can do is accept that people can be like that and that they’ll disappoint you as a result.
That sounds a bit harsh. As a guy I can tell you it can simply be due to long distance. If there is little perspective to see each other regularly it’s easy to lose interest, especially if it’s not your first relationship and you haven’t spent that much time together to begin with like in this case