I’ve 🐝 bee-n fighting for two years now. I have this « job » that I’ve been stuck with forever now. My inability to enjoy the little things of life is just another indication of my dereliction: hating the bitter man I’m becoming, seeing myself in people I despise, being unable to think, speak, create.
There’s no future for me here. No way out from my work. No time to dedicate to what I love. I read the introduction of Camus’ « L’homme Révolté » about absurdism in other to be something else than a consuming shitty human, and I don’t agree with most of the moral dilemmas: killing yourself is not the same as killing another person. I’m making a choice for myself and maybe, one of the limits of this argument is that I’m imposing my absence on others…
But who might miss me? My family & friends? It’s true, there are the ones that made me stay this long, but nothing is changing, and I need to help myself.
ಥ_ಥ, maybe see you tomorrow ?
There’s lots of people out there that struggle with these same issues. You’re not alone. The fact that you’re reaching out here tells me that you know there is still more to do for you. Seems like you’re not done, you’re just stuck. I’ve been there, but I got out and that’s definitely been worth the wait and the effort. There’s no light without darkness. I feel like I couldn’t appriciate life the way I do now, if I hadn’t gone through all the shit.
Anyways, you should definitely reach out to a hotline in your country. They know what you’re going through and they can help.