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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Certain-Towel6759 on 2023-10-04 13:51:44.

My mom named me (16M) Cassian after her mom, my grandma, Cassie, who died when mom 7 years old. My grandpa remarried after grandma’s death and mom and her stepmom never had a good relationship. My stepgrandma tried but she was always insecure and jealous of the fact my mom thought so much of my grandma and never saw her equally. Mom and dad wanted to name their kids after people they lost but decided they wouldn’t just wait for the right sex and would find a name to do it regardless. So I was Cassian after Cassie, my sister was named after our late uncle and my twin brother and sister were named after mom’s favorite grandparent and dad’s elderly neighbor from childhood who was a grandparent in every way except blood.

My stepgrandma always had a visible dislike for my name. I remember being 4 or 5 and she tried calling me Tommy. Thomas/Tom/Tommy are no way part of my name so it always seemed weird to me. I don’t remember how long it lasted but it was long enough that it stood out to me as happening for a while. She cringed whenever someone called me Cassie or Cass for a nickname.

I really didn’t like her doing that and it made me dislike seeing her and grandpa.

She stopped with the Tommy stuff for a while and then tried to get away with calling me Bertie. I told her I didn’t like that and she needed to call me Cassian or Cass. She told me she’d like me to have a different nickname and I said no, I didn’t want some random name as my nickname. Grandpa asked me to compromise and I told him they could call me by name or I would tell mom (mom didn’t hear this stuff normally).

The most recent time she did this was 2 years ago. I decided to say eff them in my head and now I haven’t spent any time with them since. Mom never really visited but now she always makes excuses for them not to come visit. We only see them now during family functions.

Grandpa reached out to me a few days ago and asked me if I would come to stay with them some weekends. He said my stepgrandma was feeling abandoned because it was clear none of the grandkids were interested in spending time with her and he thought it would be nice for me as the oldest to set a good example and help them out. I said no. He told me I could do this small thing for them, I owed them that much at least. I said I owe them nothing when she always disrespects me by calling me by a different name and refusing to listen when I say I don’t want to be renamed with a nickname. He said she’s my grandma and I said no, she’s not anyone’s mom or grandma and she’s still bitterly jealous of the fact grandma hasn’t been forgotten and that’s not our faults. He told me I was being disrespectful and I could hear his wife in the background. He called to tell my mom and she backed me up and told him to leave me alone.

AITA?