The problem is the other people in their 30s are boring, miserable, and second-guessing their life choices constantly. Even if they made the effort to be friends, I couldn’t stand them. The only people that don’t do that are my friends…my old friends…in my old city…far, far away… Oh, god I’m miserable and second guessing moving here.
My 30s were so so so much better than my 20s, it wasn’t even funny. I partied practically non-stop from the point my 1st marriage ended in my early 30s, to when my 2nd one began at 41. I made tons of new friends, dated around a lot and had the best time of my life.
Now that I have 2 kids, a stressful job and my money evaporates the moment it hits my bank account, I also have lost all my friends. The only ones I have now are other adults with kids around the same age as my kids, because that’s pretty much the only time you get to socialize with other adults.
The secret is: hang out with people younger than yourself and/or get involved in a scene. I’m a musician so I just went to shows or met people at mine. It doesn’t have to be that though, I also joined a volleyball team and while I stunk up the joint, I also got to meet a bunch of cool people. Really most friendships are based on proximity and common interest, so if you’re into movies, go to movie festivals or special showings. Go to meetups, get involved in a political campaign (if you’re political).
That’s my experience and advice too. I just naturally find friends that are on average 15 years younger than me. I’m early 50s and most friends are mid-30s. Working at a university for years sort of established that pattern and it has remained even though i went corporate.
I mean, have you met US Americans in their 50s? For me it’s the lack of imagination they tend to exhibit. I’m a perpetual child myself, no kids, no plans or desire for any. Younger friends have interests and dreams, still. I do too!
I find the quiet desperation that oozes from people in my age cohort to be off putting. If you are desperate, stop being quiet about it!
Having younger friends keeps me optimistic because younger generations seem to have looked behind the curtain and have partially deconstructed the illusions we are ruled by. Maybe there’s hope?
There’s a Rancid lyric that stuck with me:
“Some grow up, and some grow old”
I grew old.
I have 1 friend who I am capable of seeing irl on a regular basis, the rest dozen of them are all from back in the day and are literally scattered around the world.
Get friends younger/older than you then.
It’s not impossible, that’s exactly how I was summoned
Meeh, not really impossible, but damn hard, that’s for sure.
I’m here, aren’t I?
Lol, it was by mistake, I posted the same, but as a reply to the post.
I’ve recently found that it is way easier in your thirties to make friends with 70 year olds. They have time to meet whenever you are available, have great perspective and in my case, share more if my interests than people my age.
Try gardening groups, dancing lessons, bridge groups, local language classes, and you’ll find tons of friends!
This is basically the plot of Breaking Bad.
Walter was in his 40s at the beginning of the series.
Went back and checked: Walter was 50 at the start of the series. The series spanned two years of in-universe time, and he died at 52.
Anyway, the point stands. Cooking meth is a valid shared interest for an older man and a younger man to bond over.
It isn’t too hard if you’re willing to fail a lot first. It takes time, but I really turned my life around eventually. Even still I feel like an imposter, but an imposter with plenty friends anyway now
Donno sounds like a lot of work, I’d rather just be lonely
Exactly, I’m lazy and most humans suck
I mean I don’t WANT to be lonely, but it’s much easier, eh?
deleted by creator
Yeah or some type of meetup group. Or even something political if that’s your thing.
Volunteering also works
Add getting disabled at 34 to the equation.
People just don’t like you when you have MS.
Fuck that, I like you.
I like you!
MS ?
“Multiple sclerosis (MS) is the most common demyelinating disease,[8] in which the insulating covers of nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord are damaged.[3] This damage disrupts the ability of parts of the nervous system to transmit signals, resulting in a range of signs and symptoms, including physical, mental, and sometimes psychiatric problems.” https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_sclerosis
Multiple Sclerosis
If you want to meet people and make friends, you have to join a group first. It’s awful. It’s stressful. But you have to join a group of some kind. That’s where IRL people are.
I mean, it’s how I made friends when I was a child. I suppose the time crunch is what makes it seem impossible.
Anyone one in here with specialist knowledge know how a goat body would affect basketball ability I don’t want to summon something to play only to have a completely lopsided game either way.
We can be friends OP
Sooner or later either they stop responding to my summoning or I stop summoning them thinking I’m bothering them too much …
If making friends in our teens and 20s was so easy then we wouldn’t need to make more friends in our 30s.
Making friends isn’t the hard part. Maintaining the friendship is. It’s a lot of effort and often involves doing more work than the other party, especially if they have a busier life. But it also involves a lot of failures, as plenty of them just aren’t meant to be. I look more at the effort others put back into the relationship than how much I like them, as the former is a much better indicator of the potentials.
This. Your peers in their 30s are generally easy to talk to and you can become friends in some terms quite easily but then finding time to just hang out or go somewhere seems to be so very hard. It helps me a lot to have some regular hobbies to have at least something going on socially.
I beg to differ. Especially when you have career growth and it becomes inappropriate to be friends with most of your peers. Add in the lack of kids (common in the 30’s) it’shard to find common ground. At least my wife and dog are my best friends…
I’m not far off my 40s but I make friends wherever I go. I just have some popular hobbies. I like to smoke weed and play guitar. Lots of my kind of people like doing that.
I’ve recently started a new job and have made loads of friends because I’m a guitarist and a pothead.
I love to smoke weed but I hate the people that smoke weed lol.
i’m 26 but i simply choose to not care anymore
it works 83% of the time
I’m an introvert, I never cared works 100% of the time
Meeh, not really impossible, but damn hard, that’s for sure.
If anyone needs a friend, I’m here!
